Apparently my family will now start character assassination and critiques with "If you're going to be a lawyer then....." Truth be told I hear nothing they say after that statement... For some reason, I don't really fathom, it makes me livid. Maybe because being a lawyer (or studying to be one) has nothing to do with whatever we are disagreeing on, maybe because I have no idea how being a lawyer is going to change me in the future and I don't want anyone else mapping it out for me (it's my experience damn it!). What I do know is my passionate hate for them using it as a supporting clause for their issue. Perhaps I'm jealous I didn't follow suit..lol (sarcastic).
It will probably be another sleepless night. I hardly sleep when upset. I hope this changes when I am a lawyer (I know better sigh).
I guess my anxiety is really over the registration and enrollment to school process. There is a pre-registeration fee I have to pay before I can even select courses and get a total tuition cost. My control issues doesn't allow for me to fly blind in a calm manner. While I have sourced most of what I think I will need to pay tuition (Family + Loan). The money is slow in coming in. I have a few weeks before I can get my hand on the pre-registration fee and I fear all the best classes will be gone by the time I get it. If I hadn't given up nail biting (nasty habit I know) I,d probably be biting them. As it stand I have to contend with my migraines and stomach pains.
I worry about the strangest things, I hope I get this under control someday (probably will have to pay a shrink) cause rationality would be to worry if I didn't know where to find the first dime for school. As it stands , I just need to be patient. A virtue I have yet to develop.
Fortunately I have papers to grade tonight....no more procrastination, its a better use of my brain space to just get down to some work. Things have a way of working themselves out, regardless of the mountain of worry I put behind it or not. All I do is make myself sick before realizing the ball wasn't in my court anyway.
Thursday 30 June 2011
pre-judging classmates...
It's very early in the morning (4 am) and mostly I am not a morning person, however, I have an obsessive mind that sometimes takes me out of my comfortable box and have me writing at 4 am. At 4 am I am pondering what to wear to law classes...like really...I'll be coming from work so it'll be what I wear to my teaching job. So I move the ponder the next important issue, I will need suits for court observation sessions and I should look it to getting some tailor made, since I'm overly tiny and generic suits are unlikely to fit me.
See what I mean by an obsessive mind? None of this has any significance in the now. In a meek effort to control my wandering thought process, I have spent a couple hours reading my current favorite blog the recovering lawyer.
Her article Let's set the record straight reminded me much of my Pre-Registration Forum for law school I had last week. Like her I did a little pre-judging of my fellow classmates. When the faculty adviser asked if anyone knew the Dean (Past Attorney General and now Queen's Council) seriously rolled my eyes at the girl who said my Dad obviously knows him. Although I wasn't trying hard to chat-up anyone, everyone pretty much kept to themselves and I did experience a moment of trepidation that I was entering a den of sharks.
The faculty adviser reminded us that the University has enough paper to print everyone's Degrees. That's nice to know. The fact that she mentioned it, like people who tell you not to look down, suggest that something is there....I am hoping the experience will be full of good lifelong friendships amid all the intensely, insane, hard work. I have confidence in my socializing skills, after all, I am pretty far from being an introvert but sometimes saying "hi" is daunting.
See what I mean by an obsessive mind? None of this has any significance in the now. In a meek effort to control my wandering thought process, I have spent a couple hours reading my current favorite blog the recovering lawyer.
Her article Let's set the record straight reminded me much of my Pre-Registration Forum for law school I had last week. Like her I did a little pre-judging of my fellow classmates. When the faculty adviser asked if anyone knew the Dean (Past Attorney General and now Queen's Council) seriously rolled my eyes at the girl who said my Dad obviously knows him. Although I wasn't trying hard to chat-up anyone, everyone pretty much kept to themselves and I did experience a moment of trepidation that I was entering a den of sharks.
The faculty adviser reminded us that the University has enough paper to print everyone's Degrees. That's nice to know. The fact that she mentioned it, like people who tell you not to look down, suggest that something is there....I am hoping the experience will be full of good lifelong friendships amid all the intensely, insane, hard work. I have confidence in my socializing skills, after all, I am pretty far from being an introvert but sometimes saying "hi" is daunting.
Tuesday 28 June 2011
The First Step...Acceptance
I've gotten in to Law School! Well, the Bachelor of Laws (LLB) program at my local University. I didn't harbor much doubts about an acceptance. I figured this was the easiest part of what lies ahead.
What has lead the 26 years old Teacher/ICT System Adminstrator down this new road? I have a few reasons, the chief of which is good ole money. After teaching for about 6 years, a teacher's financial reality is more than little burdensome. As I get older and try to acquire assets I struggle to make ends meet with my current pay. As it stands, I live at home with my parents and I am up to my ears in debt.
So my reality was...I needed to look for a better paying career..but why law? I have done a few law courses in past and not only enjoyed them but have done well at them. This lend to a serious look at why I can be a lawyer. For fun...I read, I write, I learn/research on a constant basis, I love to help others and I am like a dog with a bone when arguing a case (mostly mine). I could identify in myself some raw materials suitable for the journey to being a lawyer. I recognize I will need much more.
I also foresee areas I will have to work very hard on:
1. Depression - Law being a very high stress career and has a high percentage of depressed persons. Being myself predisposed to some depressive bouts, I will have a challenge in avoiding the pitfall.
2. Tenacity - I have a soft core, meaning I can be sensitive, given to crying and overall just ahhh I don't know how to put it. Sometimes I am a very strong individual but sometimes I don't handle bullies and mean spirited people well. To be a lawyer...I am gonna require a stronger backbone.
3. Scholarship - due to my financial condition, I am gonna have to work real hard and get one of these.
Ohh the list goes on but you know what....screw the list...I am gonna be a lawyer...the best one I can be. I looking forward to overcoming the obstacles, kick-ass and taking names.
Now comes preparation...what? Who goes into battle without armor, knowledge and strategy? Not the Victors...
What has lead the 26 years old Teacher/ICT System Adminstrator down this new road? I have a few reasons, the chief of which is good ole money. After teaching for about 6 years, a teacher's financial reality is more than little burdensome. As I get older and try to acquire assets I struggle to make ends meet with my current pay. As it stands, I live at home with my parents and I am up to my ears in debt.
So my reality was...I needed to look for a better paying career..but why law? I have done a few law courses in past and not only enjoyed them but have done well at them. This lend to a serious look at why I can be a lawyer. For fun...I read, I write, I learn/research on a constant basis, I love to help others and I am like a dog with a bone when arguing a case (mostly mine). I could identify in myself some raw materials suitable for the journey to being a lawyer. I recognize I will need much more.
I also foresee areas I will have to work very hard on:
1. Depression - Law being a very high stress career and has a high percentage of depressed persons. Being myself predisposed to some depressive bouts, I will have a challenge in avoiding the pitfall.
2. Tenacity - I have a soft core, meaning I can be sensitive, given to crying and overall just ahhh I don't know how to put it. Sometimes I am a very strong individual but sometimes I don't handle bullies and mean spirited people well. To be a lawyer...I am gonna require a stronger backbone.
3. Scholarship - due to my financial condition, I am gonna have to work real hard and get one of these.
Ohh the list goes on but you know what....screw the list...I am gonna be a lawyer...the best one I can be. I looking forward to overcoming the obstacles, kick-ass and taking names.
Now comes preparation...what? Who goes into battle without armor, knowledge and strategy? Not the Victors...
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