Thursday 30 June 2011

A bad night...

Apparently my family will now start character assassination and critiques with "If you're going to be a lawyer then....." Truth be told I hear nothing they say after that statement... For some reason, I don't really fathom, it makes me livid. Maybe because being a lawyer (or studying to be one) has nothing to do with whatever we are disagreeing on, maybe because I have no idea how being a lawyer is going to change me in the future and I don't want anyone else mapping it out for me (it's my experience damn it!). What I do know is my passionate hate for them using it as a supporting clause for their issue. Perhaps I'm jealous I didn't follow suit..lol (sarcastic).

It will probably be another sleepless night. I hardly sleep when upset. I hope this changes when I am a lawyer (I know better sigh).

I guess my anxiety is really over the registration and enrollment to school process. There is a pre-registeration fee I have to pay before I can even select courses and get a total tuition cost. My control issues doesn't allow for me to fly blind in a calm manner. While I have sourced most of what I think I will need to pay tuition (Family + Loan). The money is slow in coming in. I have a few weeks before I can get my hand on the pre-registration fee and I fear all the best classes will be gone by the time I get it. If I hadn't given up nail biting (nasty habit I know) I,d probably be biting them. As it stand I have to contend with my migraines and stomach pains.

I worry about the strangest things, I hope I get this under control someday (probably will have to pay a shrink) cause rationality would be to worry if I didn't know where to find the first dime for school. As it stands , I just need to be patient. A virtue I have yet to develop.

Fortunately I have papers to grade tonight....no more procrastination, its a better use of my brain space to just get down to some work. Things have a way of working themselves out, regardless of the mountain of worry I put behind it or not. All I do is make myself sick before realizing the ball wasn't in my court anyway.

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